Psalm 34:18
In the Old Testament, King David wrote of turning to the Lord in times of grief. The psalm is filled with times of deep hurt; of fears, troubles and shame. Yet the psalm starts with praise and thanksgiving – praise the lord, glorify him and exalt his name. You may ask why. Why does a psalm exploring grief and loss start with praise? Because after each encounter of grief, David says that the Lord hears them, saves and delivers them; that he can provide refuge. During our most troubled times, God is there for us.
We know that God fully understands our pain of grief and loss; Jesus experienced these human emotions many times. In John’s Gospel we read the story of Lazarus, the friend of Jesus who became sick and eventually dies. The sisters of Lazarus send a message to Jesus with the words
‘Lord, the one you love is sick.’
(John 11:3).
What we hear in this passage of Scripture is the depth of love that is shared between Jesus and Lazarus, with the sisters knowing that Jesus will know exactly who was poorly – his friend Lazarus.
The story continues with Jesus reminding the sisters that death is not the end, it is the moment we rise in Glory! If you know the story well, you will know that Jesus performs a miracle. Jesus visits Lazarus and brings him back to life. Even though it is not recorded, we know at some point Lazarus will die again and not come back to life; instead, he will rise in Glory, living eternally, just as Jesus had said.
Grief and loss are inevitable for humans; we will all experience grief and loss at some point in our lives, and probably not just the once.
- We may grieve the loss of a loved one, or a place that we can no longer see or visit.
- We may grieve the loss of a pet, a relationship, or even our independence.
- We may grieve the loss of a well-functioning body, our hearing, our sight or even our memory.
But there is good news! Death and grief and loss is not the end. What awaits us is bigger and better than we could ever imagine. One day all these things will become unimportant, even though it may not feel like that just now, as we will be basking the presence of Jesus.
When we experience grief and loss, we may feel that no one understands, and we can feel isolated and alone. Just have a little look around at the people in this group. They care about you, we all should care for one another, and we are called by Jesus to,
‘love each other as I have loved you.’
(John 13:34 ICB)
One form of grief people experience is if someone they love is living with dementia. It can be a struggle when to see a loved one lose the ability to remember certain things or participate in activities. This can be very hard for everyone. How do you find a way to live with this kind of loss?
Commissioner Robert Street, Bob, cares for his wife Janet who is living with dementia. They were both Salvation Army officers for many years before Janet was diagnosed with dementia. Bob wrote a book called Caring for Janet, in which he beautifully explains how, when they came to each ‘last time’ of being able to do an activity, they gave thanks for all the times they had experienced that activity together.
It is quite a beautiful example of turning loss into thanksgiving. With the help of God and those who care for us, this is possible – as we read in Scripture that
‘with God nothing shall be impossible.’
(Luke 1:37 KJV)
Let us praise the Lord at all times; let his praise always be on our lips.
THANKSGIVING
Thanksgiving bunting
In these closing moments encourage members to choose to turn their grief and loss into thanksgiving. Ask members to take a piece of coloured bunting and write either a prayer of thanksgiving – for the person, place or things that they have lost.
Members might want to write about the colour the person, place or situation brought into their life. If they loved their job and miss it, write a thank you note for the time that they were able to work and for the strength they found throughout that time.
Add all the group’s thoughts and prayers together to make a string of thanksgiving bunting that actually comes out of a place of grief and loss.
REFLECTION
Grief, loss and remembrance
Invite members to take a Grief, loss and remembrance note, which they can either fill in as music plays or can take home, to complete in the privacy of their own space.
Ensure members are aware of who is pastorally caring for the group and invite them to speak to someone if they want to share how this week’s session has spoken to them or made them feel. Ensure that everyone knows there is someone who cares about their situation and feelings of grief and loss.
If people ask for prayer, try to turn the prayers into remembrance and thanksgiving while acknowledging the deep pain that comes from grieving and the loss we experience in life. We do not want to make light of anyone’s feelings of pain.
PRAYER
The serenity prayer
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed.
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that You will make all things right,
if I surrender to Your will,
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Reinhold Niebuhr
